my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
