I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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