i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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