Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
