he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So squirting runs in the family.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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