i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh god it's open bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
