I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
