I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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