That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
