my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize