i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
