Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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