God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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