Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
