Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
