he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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