Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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