I need help removing her.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
