Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
