This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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