We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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