Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How external is "for external use only"?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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