not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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