If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize