Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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