This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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