I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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