From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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