My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
