Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
