Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
