Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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