I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
