I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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