How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
