I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My breasts were aching with rage.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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