I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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