it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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