I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
