how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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