ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
