i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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