You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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