So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
