i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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