I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
