So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
