remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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