I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
