I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she peed on how many people?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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