____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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