And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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