You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need a hoe opinion
go on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
