Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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