$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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