I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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