Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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