So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
