my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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