even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
