This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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