I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
