I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
