if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
