I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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