6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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