i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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