Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
