Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
