If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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