I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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