Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
