If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
