i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
