STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
