A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
