I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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