yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Rumble strips road head = magical
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
