Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
