Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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