Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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