She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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