i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
