He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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