Can Purell be used as lube?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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