just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found the puke drawer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize