I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
