he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
