I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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