i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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