did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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